Welcome to Forum 360 with its global outlook and local view.

Our show today deals with aging and how to do it gracefully.

Our show today deals with aging and how to do it gracefully.

We are getting older and as we age it can be important to do it gracefully.

My friend Penny Owen is a success story.

She is not very old, but she is definitely aging gracefully.

I met Penny when I joined in organization called Fortnightly.

We will introduce you to this organization.

Penny, would you tell us about Fortnightly?

- Yes, Fortnightly was founded in 1868.

It is a national program for women.

There's a great book that I'm going to recommend.

It's only 1400 pages long.

it's a novel.

It's called.

And the ladies of the club.

You can't put it down.

It's just a fabulous book.

about fortnightly, and it's a novel.

And it started out that women could go to college, but they could only get degrees in it to to manage a home.

They were wealthy women, right?

So managing a home, When you think about Stan Hewett, you know, managing that home was a real job.

- Job.

- A serious, serious job.

You know, they had 25 servants that lived on the property.

46 servants.

I mean, it was a business to run the home.

but they didn't get to do the research that they went to college to do.

So they decided to set up fortnightly, which meant twice a month, they'd pick a theme for the year and they would do really heavy duty research so that they could keep their minds active intellectually.

Well, that lasted for a good long time.

And the women in Akron, some of the women that were fortnightly members, did things like they fought for kindergarten in the public schools.

They had a nursery school because school started in first grade, right?

When they started kindergarten, they had a building.

And what they did was they turned that building into what became Children's Hospital.

Now, this wasn't done by Fortnightly, but the women of Fortnightly were involved in these kind of things.

So these were really active, - Strong.

- Very, very.

But then what happened was, college became about getting your M-R-S, right?

And so the idea was, I go to college and I find the right husband so I can stay in my big house.

So Fortnightly, kept going.

But what happened was, they kept the research going, and they had luncheons for 30 people.

It was limited to 30, in their homes.

And then the 1970s happened and women went to work.

And when women went to work, it wasn't cool to stay at home and talk for a minute about my mom.

My mom got business cards.

And picture of the house, the address, and said she was the executive director of one, two, three Castle Boulevard.

because she was angry.

Because she had done everything she was supposed to do to be a successful woman.

And now she was sort of considered a failure because she wasn't working.

so what happened was all kinds of volunteer organizations.

They lost volunteers because women went to work, and Fortnightly continued to exist, but they became retired women.

Well, now we are retired.

And in our 60s, through our some into their 90s.

We need to reinvent, in a sense Fortnightly and begin to look at it at Fortnightly and these women as being inspirational.

Right?

I mean, I'm going to quickly tell.

so I have a friend who is 93.

She plays tennis.

She's one of the better tennis players in my contract group.

She, runs her volunteer, soup kitchen once a month.

She gardens.

She lives by herself.

and i’m like, “I want to be her.

I want role models because, change is inevitable.” We think the change, you know, when you're young, you think change is great.

You know, it can be.

Do whatever I want, but, I mean, I want to do but change when you get older can be scary.

And you start thinking things about your health.

You start thinking, well like today I was afraid when it coming because there was a big storm.

They predicted big storm.

I'm like “oh dear I don't want t slip, I don't want to fall.” I'm like, you think about those.

You become really conscious.

There's some change I don't want.

I want to maintain, you know, - Any new thing.

- Yeah, yeah.

It's harder to negotiate some of the changes you have to deal with.

I mean, do I want to leave my house or do I want to stay?

Well, if I stay, I don't know, there's just so many questions.

So I think that the whole idea of.

So we are trying to organize groups, And the group.

So I was put in charge.

I asked to be put in charge.

I'm the historian of Fortnightly and I love Fortnightly, actually.

and I wanted to grow and expand and go in different ways.

So at first all I was going to do was just let these women, do reports on on these women that were older that are like, active and vital and older three of these women in Fortnightly are still volunteering at Stan Hywet and they're well, late 80s, early 90s.

- So they're retired women who are doing what you should do.

Stay busy.

- It's so much is about staying engaged.

- I use the word engaged because busy can be, flattening.

Do you know what I'm saying?

I can clean my house 700 times, but I'm just still cleaning my house.

But to stay engaged socially to stay engaged with life.

That's an interesting and different way to look at it.

You see?

- True, true.

But what do the women of Fortnightly do?

- Okay.

We're still doing reports.

We're still doing research.

I love the research it gives me.

There's a theme every every year.

And then, you can choose.

Some people are associates.

They just come to listen.

Right?

So one woman who just became an associate is 90 years old, and she had been giving reports, doing the research continuously.

Okay.

So we we do research, we go to lunch, we talk to each other, we socialize, we stay connected, that way.

And we’re really friends as the group.

- What's the topic of the research?

- It's different every year.

There was a phase when we were really into women's issues.

Women politicians around the world, women journalists, great women through history.

Then there was a phase of creativity.

Talking about what is creativity?

Who were people who were creative?

What did they do?

Then we did places around the world.

Where creativity prospered, like Athens was a place where creativity prospered, right?

- Right.

- I mean, they invented democracy.

They had invented all kinds of philosophy, blah blah, blah.

What kind of things were important?

But one of them was what they called “The Agora”, the market, Everybody walked, everybody talked, everybody engaged all the time.

And, I guess I think this is important now.

And there were just tons of immigrants, people coming from all over the place, bringing new ideas in.

It kept this engagement going on.

So, I mean, sometimes it's, The Seven Wonders of the world - Right now it's history?

Or art?

- Art.

And that was interesting because we all interpreted it differently, because I looked at Alvin Ailey, so it’s a great artist.

And I remember, - Dancer.

- Yeah, I remember I said, “oh, good doing I’m Alvin Ailey because I love him, I love him.

I just think he's genius.

And they were like, “no, we meant artists like visual.” And I'm like, “no, art.

You know, dance.” And he was really engaged in the civil rights movement and his dances made a statement about black history.

So, yeah.

So that that was our last theme.

So, that was last year's theme.

So, but now this, what I'm trying to do.

So I went to these women and I said, “so I want to interview you and you know, make a little book about how fabulous you are.” And they all kind of looked at me like, “yeah, no.” no, this is not this is not going to work.

Like, you know, I mean, it's interesting because I think as you get older, you get more humble.

You know, that humility seems to be part of this thing about grace.

You know, you don't.

When you're a career person.

It's like “and I did this and I was great.” - Yeah.

- And then you get older and you're like, “no, I don't know how I do it.

I don't really know what I do.

I don't know why you think I'm great.” Yeah.

I'm like, okay.

So then I had two other women in the group that, were interested in working on this.

And the one, her husband's a gerontologist, should I say her name?

Yes?

No?

- No.

- Okay.

Okay.

So she said “there’s a book on retirement”, and this is it.

It's called “Project Renewment”, and I’m like, well, I like this name.

Renew rather than retire.

Retire sort of suggests, just go sit in a corner and hide.

Retire, you know, disengage.

And it feels like that at first.

I was talking to Megan and I was saying this over the holidays just been terrible because I hated Christmas being on Wednesday and New Year's being on Wednesday, I never knew what day I was on - Exactly.

- I’m like, “where am I?” And there's something scary when you retire, when you always have that plan, you know, you always knew I get up at this time I do this, I go here, I do this, I do this, I go to bed, I get up and I repeat the same pattern.

So I always knew what day it was.

But When I first retired, I get up and I think “I gotta remember what day it is because I might be losing my mind.” You know?

So it was scary.

So I'm looking at this as a project, as renewing.

And also you think about it and you think, You can retire in your 60s or your early 70s and you can live for another 30 years, and that's a life .That's a whole adult life that you get to do.

And so you have to start kind of thinking about, oh, I do have to see it is renewing.

so I read this book, I'm going to read some of the little blurbs on this book.

What it offers you.

“Lose your title and find your life.

Exchange busyness for challenge, growth, and joy.

Create emotional health and physical well-being.

Contemplate a sunset or help change the world.” Now that's offering you a lot in a little book, right?

It also tells you that it is the first retirement model for career women.

It was written in 2008.

So you think, okay, these women, it was in the 70s that women started going back to work and really had jobs like, you know, doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs and so it was about 2000 that some of them started retiring and we're at a loss.

This book is great in that it gives you essays, it gives you a whole plan towards the end of the book.

And this is how you can set up these meetings.

The meetings suggest 6 to 10 women.

and then each meeting you pick a theme, right?

A topic, a couple of topics to talk about.

You know, you bring them in, you feed them something, and then and I thought, okay, it's nice.

It's kind of done.

Now, the problem with this for me was that it was limited to I am retiring now.

Right?

So it wasn't engaging.

It wasn't allowing us to use the wisdom and the inspiration of women That had already gone before us and had been retired.

So that's what I wanted to add.

And I thought I could get women who were humble about being successful at being retired, to come to a group, to just chat with people and talk about how they dealt with issues.

Issues of health issues of being creative issues of moving on, issues of losing a spouse.

I mean, there's all sorts of things that, as we get old, is not easy.

- Old is truly a problem.

- Old is not easy.

And you really have to, my mother, God, I'm using my mother a lot.

Oh, sorry.

My mother used to sing this song to us, and it would go every morning.

If went, “smile when you get up, be happy and gay and laugh all your troubles away.

Hey, hey, hey.” And I used to think when I was in high school that I would kill her.

I was never going to wake up and be happy.

- I love your mother.

- Oh, you would love my mother.

You would love my mother.

I love my mother.

Because now I do that.

I mean, I make a point of, “Yes, she was right.” You just, every day is a day.

You kind of have to learn to face it with joy.

There's this thing again in this book.

You can be engaged, you can withdraw or you can resign.

As you get older.

And engaged means I still stay meeting people and, you know, engaged with the world.

Withdraw, I'm going to use this Albert Schweitzer quote.

- Okay.

before you do that, - Yes.

- I want to reintroduce you.

- Okay.

- Penny Owen is aging gracefully.

I can certainly say that.

And we're talking about an organization called Fortnightly, and we're talking about aging, in this Forum 360 show.

So go ahead.

- Okay.

So Albert Schweitzer says, “there exists a sleeping sickness of the soul.

As soon as you notice the slightest sign of indifference, the moment you become aware of a loss of a certain seriousness, take it as a warning.

You should realize your soul suffers if you live superficially.” For some reason, I love it, but it makes me cry.

But I think that that is the whole issue of withdrawing.

And I think that what I want to do with this group is not just let it be people in Fortnightly.

I'm trying to open it up to any woman.

I'm going to talk about that woman thing also, because Do I have time?

Yeah.

That’s interested, that wants to come.

That's in their 60s or 70 or 80s and says, “you know, I want to talk about these issues because I want to engage in aging gracefully and listening to what other people have to say.” So we want to have, you know, 6 to 10 people sitting around a table having a little coffee and a little dessert and talking about different topics.

I have another quote that I want to get to.

This is about wisdom.

I feel like I could go on about wisdom for hours because I feel like computers have have killed wisdom because you can Google everything and then forget it.

I think we were lucky because we had to learn stuff that it stayed in our brains so we could be more creative.

Now here's Jimmy Carter's quote A man who lived to be 100.

Okay, here we go.

“Wisdom is the ability to exercise good judgment on important, but uncertain matters.

It is a product of age, smarts, emotional and practical life experience.

It allows us to respond to complex situations with more than one answer, integrating our thinking and feeling and our hearts and our minds.” I love that, and so that's why I want the group not just to be people in their 60s and 70s.

I want those older women who have experienced and who are wise to us.

I want us to not throw them out the back door, but welcome them and honor them.

And.

I've sort of been talking nonsto I think as we get older, it's about becoming authentic.

I'm going to use my mother again.

I never knew this.

I was going to use my mother so many times.

I'm sort of shocked.

My mother would always say to me, people always talk about, little sweet, little old ladies, sweet little ages.

There's no such thing.

The older I get, the less sweet I am.

And it's true.

- It’s true.

- it is, don't you think?

- It is.

- I mean, you're able to say to people what you really feel, and you're not afraid whether they like you or not, just kind of shocking.

So I think the idea of finding your authentic self.

So one quote, there was a, a children's book called “The Velveteen Rabbit.” And, there's a section about the Skin Horse.

Do you you know this book?

- No, but I know the quote.

- Okay.

So the quote I'm starting with is, “Does it happen all at once?

Like being wound up?

The rabbit asked, or bit by bit.

It doesn't happen all at once, said the skin horse.

You become.

It takes a long time.

That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.

But these things don't matter at all.

Because once you are real, you can't be ugly.

Except to people who don't understand.

- Don't understand.

- I love this quote.

- Yes, - And I think I want to honor.

I want to have these little chats.

So I'm hoping that Fortnightly sponsors, in a sense, chats with people from all over the area - and your ideas to create a handbook from this?

- Okay, we don't know yet.

I first want to do the chats and then maybe, we were thinking about doing a podcasts of the chats.

I mean, first I just have to get the chats started.

and see if there is enough interest in people wanting to be to talk to one another.

- And stories.

- Right.

- Because it matters if you have your health.

It matters if you, work at it - right, right - and physical concerns and mental concerns.

people leaving or staying in their homes.

- Right.

All of this matters.

Caring for loved ones?

- Yes.

- Dealing with dying.

- Yes.

- Yes.

I mean, I never realized how much maintenance is involved with keeping up your health.

You know, you've got to get out.

You got to walk, you got to move your body.

It takes up a good chunk of your day, you know?

But I think It's something that's important, you know?

- It's crucial.

- It is.

- Yeah.

- It it really is.

And I just feel like if It's time we're getting to be a bigger and bigger percentage of the population because we don't die, you know?

So I think we need to have our voices heard about what this experience is like.

- Penny, thank you for this discussion of aging with grace, and the steps to try to do it.

- Thank you.

- Perhaps we have stimulated some in our audience to think about it.

We are Forum 360 with a global outlook and a local view.

Thank you audience for joining us.

This is Ardith Keck, for Forum 360.

Forum 360 is brought to you by John S. and James L. Knight Foundation, the Akron Community Foundation, Hudson Community Television, The Rubber City Radio Group, Shaw Jewish Community Center of Akron, Blue Green, Electric Impulse Communications, and Forum 360 supporters.